I’ve put the swan as the feature image – because we saw many swans during our time there.  I love swans – they are so beautiful.  My favourite fairytale has always been The Ugly Duckling – I used to read it over and over. I was so taken by how it transformed into such a majestic creature….

I like to believe the many swans I saw were there to help me see things as they really were/are!

So –  in the last episode I was determined to say something – and maybe even get kicked out of the course.  I didn’t care by that stage – I was angry, emotional and frustrated.

So when Kert came in – I was still teary.  He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was so disappointed about the half days (I was blubbering of course!) –  that I so wanted to learn this and I had come all this way and could we please have full days.  I said my family was busting themselves to organise things (he knew about Sue) so I could stay.   He asked the others how they felt and they agreed with me.  I was so nice about it and tactful.  He sort of made a joke about it.

But he wasn’t happy to be ’embarrassed’ in front of the group.  I would be ‘punished’.

In a way, after that, I felt relieved and stronger.  That afternoon we did some more exercises in the arena – Kert  used me to demonstrate what to do.  It was one where you let the other person have control  – they can walk you around – turn you , push you etc.

Kert was quite rough – but kept saying – is this okay – am I being too rough?  I said – no – it’s fine. I knew he was doing that on purpose and I wasn’t going to show it bothered me.  The punishment had begun!!

So that afternoon I was feeling much better, pleased I had spoken up.   The others thanked me also for speaking up.  We had also heard via a person in the one year group, that Kert had said to them – he wished he didn’t have to teach our course – he just wanted to continue with the one year group.   So we were also annoyed we had then become an ‘obligation’!

But we continued on with our learning – and had full days!

Kert said that the theme of this course is BEING and DOING. The aspect of being is so important!

“If there is anything which is spoiling this being – you have no chance. The next step is doing – and this is based on the being.  This is the key.

If being is spoiled/changed – the doing cannot be successful. It has nothing to do with changing – we are becoming. It starts with the being of NOW.  You need to understand what it is to BE. You don’t want to CHANGE, BECOME or DO. You just want to BE. Understand that the BEING is not important – it is the growing. You don’t have to WAIT to be happy – you are just perceiving and living.

This is the secret of NOW. We are trying to BE. We have to be ready and willing to look at ourselves. How am I BEING with myself? Am I a puppet of society? If you are with destiny, you are connected! It is one feeling.”

Hmmm – I had heard words like this before – always inspiring words – but what does it really mean in relation to horses?  Being…… does it mean when you are with your horse you should never ‘want’, never be ‘distracted’,  should you just be happy and not ask anything?  I need to ask my horses things to keep myself safe around them!  I was finally becoming cynical/questioning – instead of just thinking – wow!  That sounds good!

But to be fair, there were some great things I learnt.  For instance – this was great advice!

“When working with a horse NEVER HASTE! Horses do not have to do too much. We should never become a burden for the horse. Always give the horse a break – they need to take time to experience new feelings”.

Now back to where I was in the story – just through the second day of the course where I had triumphantly spoken up about our course…….the punishment had only just started….






2 thoughts on “Part 41 – I Speak Out!

  1. I am really enjoying your blog, however it does make me uncomfortable to some degree as I have been in a similar situation with a “trainer”. He was local and I did have the option of pulling my horse at anytime, but he had a knack for making women especially ….feel timid and insecure.
    Terrible experience in more ways than one and I’m still not quite sure how or why I even put myself in that situation.
    I’m looking forward to reading about the outcome for you 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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