Part 46 – The Numbness – Entering a Zombie World

As I have said previously, Kert spent a lot of time telling us that he lives on the first level, he works with destiny always on the spiral – whereas ‘we’ don’t – we live with confusion, chaos.  We are living with unconscious ‘stuff’ – the black part…

Kert sees ‘the black part’ in all of us – the horses see the black part…. we cannot be successful with this!

The energy behind our words – that’s what’s important.  For example, if Karen has aggression – or Cathy or Heather have tears – these cause reaction after reaction – we cannot succeed with this.  He said this is why he cannot work with Cody when these ‘wrong’ thoughts are influencing everything.

This is throughout our bodies – it starts as a defence system in ‘the brown world’.  We are ‘surviving’ rather than ‘living’.  We create a system of ‘sadness’ and anchor it to our personality.  Then he says “this is why you are all so stupid!”.  He laughs – we laugh (nervously).

He continues that our fears are leading us – we are never in the real world.  We are sad and then cover it with ‘masks’.  We are not a real human for the horse.  He says it is like we all have a disease.

To undo this we need lots of rest, awareness and quiet time.  And we need to be decided to look at reality.  Check in with yourself each day to see how you are feeling and find the joy in the smallest of things!

Also – you should never defend yourself.  Just say – “I’m a work in progress”.  Opt out of the conversation.

And remember – he says – ‘DON’T MEASURE ME WITH ANYTHING ELSE!  I AM NOT LIKE ANYTHING ELSE!

Hmmmmmm…….

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I also found this written with my notes – I gave it the title – Heather’s Strange Mood:

“The last few days or so I have been feeling strange – and it’s at its worst this morning.  I don’t know how to describe it – I just feel numb, blank,empty – like a zombie.  I also feel very cold and tired.  I slept this afternoon.  Maybe I’m just waiting…. (for the road to destiny?).

When I had my mask on, at least I could feel confident – even if I was kidding myself.  Then I felt peaceful – there was no defending, no proving – but now I just feel empty – like I’m in a vacuum.  Is it because I became aware of a layer ??  What is it?  What’s going on?

**********

I was shocked to find that….. at the time I was numb – walking around like a zombie.   But as I said earlier, when I was on my own at night I had started to do some research – there was still part of me that knew this was all ‘wrong’.  But there was a big part of me that still wanted to see the ‘good’, the fairytale with the horses.  Should I keep questioning – or should I just trust the process?

What research was I doing?  I was looking up information on cults, cult leader traits, psychopaths and narcissists….. yet I couldn’t really believe that was what I had stumbled into…..

Here is an example of what I was reading – and I could find many similarities in this list – https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narcissism-decoded/2017/03/14-ways-narcissists-can-be-like-cult-leaders/

Kert certainly wasn’t like anyone else I had ever met!

COMING UP – MY EVIL CONTRACT!

IF YOU ARE NEW TO THIS STORY, PLEASE START AT THE BEGINNING HERE – Part 1 – An Introduction

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8 thoughts on “Part 46 – The Numbness – Entering a Zombie World

  1. Ummm, this one I can hear what he is saying…….believe it or not! For me there is some truth here. While I don’t agree in how he goes about ‘treating’ us, there is an element of truth in the fundamental aspect of things

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  2. Yes Hilary, there is an element of truth in the fundamental aspect of things, However his ‘me and you’ approach is not the right way to deal with it. He was never aware of the ‘black part’ of himself!

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  3. Thanks for sharing your story, Heather! I think the information about narcissists is particularly important. We need to be careful about who we trust with our wellbeing and our animals’ wellbeing. These narcissistic gurus are masters at sucking you in & then turning on you, as you and your friends experienced.

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  4. From the Circle of Three perspective there are aspects of Awareness Acceptance and Compassion.
    Through all the parts I have been privileged to read so far Heather (and I haven’t read the ones from the beginnning) it amazes me that there seems to be a lot of awareness and acceptance on “Kert’s” part.
    Awareness of the part you all seem to be ‘missing’ – from his perspective.
    Acceptance that you all are “missing’ those parts – from his perspective.
    What I have not yet been able to discover within your stories is the ‘compassion ‘-aspect. I do not mean compassion from you to him. There is plenty. All that all of you have allowed him to do and say is amazing to say the least.

    Thank you for sharing, Heather.
    A truly great experience in many ways.

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