Kert finished my grilling by saying –
“I will tell you the truth and you will hate me for that. Train yourself urgently to see reality. You are unable to really see this horse!!!!!”.
So that night Chloe and Karen were sent around to talk to us and see how we were. They told us that Kert had said he knew we would be hating him and that the first 24 hours were a ‘dangerous’ time for him!
So we chatted and they both looked very wooden and uncomfortable. Patty told them that the joke about Ducati really upset her – there was no need. I said, I was still reeling from that episode, I couldn’t believe I was told it would be better to shoot him. But I was also still very upset about what people would think about the ‘contract’ as I hadn’t had a chance to explain……
At that point I was exhausted, bewildered, sad and confused.
Kert had basically said my whole impression of Ducati was wrong – it was a false belief system, he was a below average horse who shouldn’t even exist and there was no way I could be successful living with that illusion.
We had the next week to ourselves before Level 3 started. I’d had enough… It was late October and getting so cold there. I was cold inside and out.
I would ring home regularly and cry …….
But – there was still a spark in me. I took lots of photos – I was enjoying walking and finding new scenes to photograph… I had some trips to the mainland……and I was on my computer still researching…..
We also spent time with the other students – and were invited to sit in on some classes of the one year students. I very much enjoyed these. I wasn’t in the firing line and I watched them learn more body awareness exercises. The exercises really were one of the highlights of these courses.
I noticed an obvious change in the dynamics of the groups. The students staying for the year were a little distanced from the students in the short term group. This was only natural – but something was disturbing me – even though I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time.
It was only when I returned home I realised what it was – they were aligning with him. They had invested so much money that they really had to. And what I mean by that is that they were starting to rely so much on him. There were many meetings where he sorted out personal differences in the group – or instructed various people to do particular tasks. He was spending more and more time on their emotional issues.
I was about to experience one of these situations…..
COMING UP – THE MEETING
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