I went into this final course with no expectations – and finally, that carrot dangling in front of me had all but disappeared. I had accepted there would be no horse work – and riding???? ……. Well, my expectations of riding were now less than the possibility of going to the moon!!!
Anything that happened would be a bonus – I just wanted to stay out of trouble – and I could smile inwardly at the little joke been Ducati, Patty and me.
While we had had a break, the one year students continued with daily classes. The start of our course was a continuation of this and much time was spent on personal problems with this group.
For example, just looking at my notes – it was the same theme. Kert was talking to John from the one year group – some of the others were having difficulty with him. Kert referred to authentic being and false masks/shells – how you replace one false self with another.
Now -I somewhat understood what Kert was talking about. During my intensive therapy around 1999/2000 I worked my way through this book Homecoming by John Bradshaw. It was recommended by my psychologist Joy – and I worked through it with her for almost two years.
It was a lifesaver and life changer. It was just what I needed at the time. I understood about the wounded inner child and how you create a false self – how your parents may indeed be living as wounded three year olds – and how going back through all the developmental stages can unravel your wounded and true self.
However Kert was saying that in our brown world there is no chance to overcome the false self. He repeated that we have to find a way back to ‘reality’. We need to become conscious of everything we do.
Kert said his energy is different to ours and we need to find this – there are millions of small details to consider… then he refers back to John and the group troubles…”complaining – means no solution!! Never complain – because it means ‘I am weak’.
I didn’t agree with that – being a chronic complainer isn’t nice, but if you have a genuine complaint you should air it!
And I was getting sick of hearing that our ‘brown world’ was so bad we really had no chance to overcome anything, let alone be with a horse!!!
But while I was getting sick of hearing this message – the problem is, when you constantly hear over and over that you are somehow lacking – you start to believe it. It seeps into your mind – even when you know it isn’t rational.
COMING UP – THE BRILLIANCE OF KERT
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