In the December of 2011, the horses were due for their annual check up. I was still so concerned about what Kert had said about Ducati. What if he was in pain and I didn’t realise?? After all – this was the horse that Kert had told me to shoot as he has no purpose on earth – and that he can barely move!!
And this is what Kert was so good at doing – planting seeds of doubt by being so very sure of himself. At that time he still very much had a hold on me.
Oliver – my dental vet, who lives and breathes horses and is a wonderful vet, listened to my concerns. He checked his back out thoroughly and said what beautiful flexion he had etc. I explained Kert’s theory on horses built like that. He reminded me that Ducati is purpose bred for swift turns etc. and is in excellent condition! So I was thoroughly confused. I only had to look at Ducati – always racing around the paddock – always up for a game with the others – to see that this horse didn’t seem to have any trouble moving! Here is a video I took not long after I returned!
Next, I had my farrier Marcus here – he was so puzzled by what Kert had said in regard to the hooves – that they were weak. He got the hoof testers out – and thoroughly tested all his hooves. We had a good look at them – he said to me – “This horse has some of the best hooves I have ever seen! But maybe because we live in the ‘brown world’ we can’t see the problem!!” I laughed – I had sent Marcus some of the newsletters I had written so he had remembered Kert’s constant reference to our ‘brown world’ lives!
At that point I felt very stupid! How could I let myself be convinced there was something there!!! But of course – if someone tells you that your horse is in pain – you have to get it checked out!
I was also worried about my horses being in such bad condition, as Kert had said. I thought what I was feeding them was okay. They had minerals, chaff and hay in winter – they were regularly wormed – and had their hooves trimmed every 6 weeks and a dental check up every year. Only Magnum missed out – as no one could get near him. Well, I could get near him – until he suddenly jumped away – and no way could a vet or farrier treat him.
In a way Kert had done me a favour. I was horrified and embarrassed that they were seen to be looking so bad. I started researching all I could on feeding, minerals – and worming. Kert had said Ducati had worms – even though they were wormed – so I needed to do more. I was determined to get them looking as good as I could! No one was going to tell me I wasn’t looking after them properly.
Kert’s statement about my horses made me feel so embarrassed – I didn’t feel worthy of owning horses – in fact I didn’t feel worthy – full stop!
I had only been home for about a month – at that point I was still under the spell – checking and re checking all Kert had said about the horses. I questioned myself – I kept wondering why he would have lied about Ducati. Then I wondered if the vet and farrier were wrong?? I was surprised I was still thinking that way. Why did I still think he was right – what was it about him that made me think that?
What had happened to my brain???
COMING UP – THE STAGES OF GRIEVING
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