In the December of 2011, the horses were due for their annual check up.  I was still so concerned about what Kert had said about Ducati.  What if he was in pain and I didn’t realise??  After all – this was the horse that Kert had told me to shoot as he has no purpose on earth – and that he can barely move!!

And this is what Kert  was so good at doing – planting seeds of doubt by being so very sure of himself.  At that time he still very much had a hold on me.

Oliver – my dental vet, who lives and breathes horses and is a wonderful vet, listened to my concerns.  He checked his back out thoroughly and said what beautiful flexion he had etc.  I explained Kert’s theory on horses built like that.  He reminded me that Ducati is purpose bred for swift turns etc. and is in excellent condition!  So I was thoroughly confused.  I only had to look at Ducati –  always racing around the paddock – always up for a game with the others – to see that this horse didn’t seem to have any trouble moving!  Here is a video I took not long after I returned!

Next,   I had my farrier Marcus here – he was so puzzled by what Kert had said in regard to the hooves – that they were weak.   He got the hoof testers out –  and thoroughly tested all his hooves.  We had a good look at them – he said to me – “This horse has some of the best hooves I have ever seen!   But maybe because we live in the ‘brown world’ we can’t see the problem!!”   I laughed – I had sent Marcus some of the newsletters I had written so he had remembered Kert’s constant reference to our ‘brown world’ lives!

At that point I felt very stupid!  How could I let myself be convinced there was something there!!!  But of course – if someone tells you that your horse is in pain – you have to get it checked out!

I was also worried about my horses being in such bad condition, as Kert had said.  I thought what I was feeding them was okay.  They had minerals, chaff and hay in winter – they were regularly wormed – and  had their hooves trimmed every 6 weeks and a dental check up every year.  Only Magnum missed out – as no one could get near him.  Well, I could get near him – until he suddenly jumped away – and no way could a vet or farrier treat him.

In a way Kert had done me a favour.  I was horrified and embarrassed that they were seen to be looking so bad.  I started researching all I could on feeding, minerals – and worming.  Kert had said Ducati had worms – even though they were wormed – so I needed to do more.  I was determined to get them looking as good as I could!  No one was going to tell me I wasn’t looking after them properly.

Kert’s statement about my horses made me feel so embarrassed – I didn’t feel worthy of owning horses – in fact I didn’t feel worthy –  full stop!

I had only been home for about a month – at that point I was still under the spell – checking and re checking all Kert had said about the horses. I questioned myself –  I kept wondering why he would have lied about Ducati.  Then I wondered if the vet and farrier were wrong??  I  was surprised I was still thinking that way.  Why did I still think he was right – what was it about him that made me think that?

What had happened to my brain???

COMING UP – THE STAGES OF GRIEVING

IF YOU ARE NEW TO THIS STORY, PLEASE START AT THE BEGINNING HERE – Part 1 – An Introduction

PLEASE SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE FOR PREVIOUS BLOG POSTS

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