In my previous blog I was talking about the stages I went through to come to terms with all that had happened.
The ‘anger’ stage was lasting a long time. This was a good thing as it got me moving and thinking. I really was like a dog with a bone – and I chewed and chewed for a very long time! I had many people say to ‘move on’ – but it’s not as simple as that. With anything in life, people cope with events in different ways – just like the grieving process. For me, in this instance, the damage Kert had caused to my mental health was much worse than thinking about the money spent.
He cleverly started his attack when I was already in an emotional state about my sister’s cancer diagnosis.
If you go to any article on a cults – or manipulative/abusive people – it is so much more complex than ‘moving on’. Here is one such article http://www.decision-making-confidence.com/characteristics-of-a-sociopath.html
I had really had such a short time with Kert – who I diagnosed as having psychopathic, narcissistic, cult like tendencies – but I was amazed at how it had affected me. In the first two visits I had witnessed his abusive behaviour to other people, but on my third visit I had experienced this behaviour first hand.
So I had come home mentally damaged – feeling broken. It was like someone had taken a blowtorch to my brain. After the initial feelings worked their way from shell shock and depression to anger, I was finally able to start freeing up my mind and start analysing.
For a start, for someone who makes his living by writing books, making videos and teaching about horses – he is obviously not keen on them – and he said this himself. They are useful for promotion of his work and to display his talents. He regularly preached for everyone to get rid of them – how much work they are etc. He didn’t own a horse.
I then examined his videos – trying to find some clues in his horsemanship. Here is what I wrote down:
“He is certainly good at being centered, grounded etc. But if he is coming from a place of deception and control – what is it that makes the horses seem connected? Is it his dominant energy? Is he different with them? Is it the carrots??? Or is it that he seems so sure of himself. It’s interesting that he never loses his temper with the horses! So he can keep it under control when he has to!
I guess he needs the horses to be who he is – the famous Kert! But I do wonder about it all. ”
And as soon as I wrote that – I got a message from a horse!!
I wrote it down:
“Just like you! That’s all. We are attracted by him – his energy, confidence – we want to be with him because it feels nice and we get carrots – until he waves his whip and rope. We are afraid because he throws us away soon. After that we do not understand. We wait for him – again and again. ”
It felt like a pony talking to me – it went on:
“He is a fair weather friend. It is like a drug and the happiness is short lived. There are many unspoken things to be mentioned perhaps but it is not likely now. Only when it is welcomed by us”.
Once again I was stunned! Here was a pony coming through to talk to me – so I could see it through their eyes. I knew there was more to talk about but perhaps later on. It was still early days after the course.
Some more did come through – but at that time I went back to looking at the videos.
COMING UP – ‘UNDER THE SPELL OF THE HORSE SHAMAN’
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