Finally, I’m well enough to trim Magnum’s hooves again. I have been out of action after some surgery and his hooves really need attention. Hoof trims have been difficult over the last year – and even though Magnum has been keen, he is struggling to keep his leg on the stand. It has become a difficult task. I was trying to use the grinder on all his hooves, but it was proving unsatisfactory and often dangerous.
Now as I took up position again, I was hopeful that it would be a relatively easy job. He nickered at the sight of the hoof stand, which was a good start. We started with the front hoof. After three attempts, he managed to keep his hoof on the stand long enough for me to clean it out – and then it was down again. After several more attempts I was able to make two nips – and then again the hoof was down. He tried to offer his hind leg as an alternative but the leg doesn’t really bend any more. He was struggling with keeping his hind legs steady as I picked up the front feet.
I sighed and put my trimming tools away.
In that moment, I realised two things – first, we had grown old together. My fingers and wrists are plagued by arthritis and I lack the strength I once had. I also lack the drive I had. Where once I was determined, now I felt it was a huge effort.
The second realisation was that Magnum is at the point physically where he could go down and not get up. His left hip area has deteriorated and the thought of him thrashing on the ground in a panic is too much for me to bear.
I stood in the horse shed – looking at Magnum – and then Ducati – and the tears started to roll. Grief overwhelmed me, because I knew we were close to the end. For over twenty years I have looked after them to the best of my ability. They have given me so much joy and I have learnt so much from them. I stared in disbelief. My horse journey – the long road – was almost over.
It wasn’t just Magnum who had waned. I had felt myself waning over the past year. But Magnum had just given given me a clear signal. If I wanted him to have a good death I needed to do something about it.
First I asked Oliver, our amazing horse and dental vet, to post an article he wrote several years ago on euthanasia. I will include the link here: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/xmDmPtHmKGbAb7fL/
I have found it extremely helpful and reassuring.
Next, I thought about what I have to do to make the passing as peaceful as possible.
Magnum isn’t just the average horse. If you read back on my blog posts you will understand him more. I’m his person – the one he trusts – because I have spent hours and hours with him, always using positive reinforcement and no force. He is a far cry from the wild horse who arrived here in 2004, but he has never accepted a farrier or a vet.
I trim his hooves and have attended to any medical crisis on my own. I attempted to get his teeth checked in the past. However, the sedative I gave him (under the vet’s instruction) only increased his fear.
So what makes me think he will be sedated properly this time?
Well, all I can do is prepare him using everything I have learnt from both the positive reinforcement world and from Magnum himself.
I will write several blog posts on how I prepare him over the next couple of weeks. It will help me to come to terms with this and I hope that it may help others.
If you haven’t read about Magnum please refer to this post:https://horsemagic.blog/2018/01/02/magnum-comes-home/
and this one:https://horsemagic.blog/2019/03/08/part-120-blood-sweat-and-tears-and-pete/
These are just two posts in a long series. If you go back to the beginning of my blog and scroll to the bottom, you will be able to follow the whole story.
Stay tuned, for in the upcoming posts I will describe how I go about helping a fearful horse like Magnum leave the earth in peace.
IF YOU ARE NEW TO THIS STORY, PLEASE START AT THE BEGINNING HERE – Part 1 – An Introduction
PLEASE SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE FOR PREVIOUS BLOG POSTS
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