The horses…. my saving grace in so many ways – and especially at this time. I would still try and watch some of the DVDs from Alexandra Kurland. I couldn’t really concentrate though – but it was a wonderful escape.
At the time, I thought I was achieving nothing with the horses – but later I realised that all the very short sessions with Magnum had added up. He was becoming much more trusting of me – the sessions were so short that it left him wanting more – and had I had more time – we may not have progressed as much as we did.
The horses were always there – so solid, so grounded. I could stand out there and just be with them – and at the same time absorb the sounds of the birds and the forest. At the time I hadn’t noticed that our relationship had changed. I wasn’t the saviour – trying to repair traumatised horses. Now they were the solid ones – it was like they sensed that I was just shattered – exhausted from not only dealing with Mum – but exhausted from the constant battle with the management of every health organisation she had been in.
They were my soft place to fall – and my listeners. I talked and talked to them – out loud – just in the way you would talk to friends.
One evening, after coming home from a very trying few days, where Mum had been crying, restless – and at times a little aggressive – I stood with Ducati in the stable – in tears. I told him I just didn’t know what to do – should I try and find a new home for her – would it upset her leaving people she had come to rely on? How did I decide?
I told him I just didn’t know how long I could carry this burden of responsibility. I asked him what should I do? I felt better for just talking to him – and I had renewed energy to face the next day.
When I saw Mum the following day – one of the helpers was sitting with her – she was in her room – and still distressed – but excited. The carer said she had a visitor in the night – ‘Yes’ said Mum – ‘Your horse was here!!’ I asked her which one. She said ‘You know – the tall, thin one’. ‘Do you mean Ducati?’ I asked. ‘Yes!!’ Both Mum and the carer said.
The carer said she had become agitated – then excited – and was saying the horse was there. I asked what Ducati was doing. She said he appeared to her and said ‘Chin up luvvie – you’ll be okay’. I told her I had been discussing her with Ducati. Mum had watched my psychic happenings over the years – and this just made her day. And it helped pull her out of the mindset she had been in. I just wanted to hug Ducati!!
But Mum was to face more health problems ……
COMING UP – THE KIDNAPPING!!
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