Part 125 – Friends…… and a Confrontation

As I worked on the detail of the photos, it truly felt like Roger was right behind me, guiding me on how to do it – choosing which ones should go into the finished project.  In fact one day I turned around and said to him “Okay, okay!!!  I’m getting there!!”.  It was a jovial process, often through tears of happiness and sadness – and tears of true love for these people who had brought immeasurable happiness to my life.

The feature photo is one of Roger’s from 1977 – it took forever to tidy up – but I was in awe of how he could frame a photo back then, capture the mood – there was no manipulation with digital cameras or software!

I also wrote a long speech which I would present at the reunion.  Writing the speech helped me explore what a friendship should be.  There should be a mutual caring and compassion and respect, along with enjoying the company of the other.  But there should also be an ease of comfort – true comfort.  That’s not to say there aren’t differences of opinion – but there should not be one dominating the other.

In the middle of the chaos of the photos and speech writing,  I received a message from Jane via messenger.  I deliberated on whether to add this to the post – but as I’ve had so much feedback of how certain posts I’ve written  have helped someone else, I’ve decided to include it.

This is how the conversation went.  In hindsight I should not have kept responding…. but I was angry…..  and in the end it provided something concrete to show the psychologist Karen.

Jane – Hi Heather………i wonder if I’d ever hear from you again if I didn’t make contact…. I guess you must be fine?

Me – Hi Jane – still flat out at computer!!! Going 7 days a week from morning till night!!! Yes – I’m still here …. and fine!!! Hope all is well – prob won’t come up for air for a while!!! Will be back to ‘normal’ prob some time in November!!!!

Jane -You get on f/b…..shows up on chat……anyway it’s your choice……..As long as you are enjoying what you are doing …Maybe you will contact me one day….?

Me – So…. I’m being checked on…. .I find that disrespectful…. yes – I always have the FB tab open – doesn’t mean I’m looking at it much… as I said – flat out – what more can I say??

Jane – No Heather i look to see if my overseas friends are up & about & yours just shows up…I’m not like that …disrespectful ridiculous….c’mon….don’t you know me yet…Or is that I’m past my use by date with your new found confidence…..I have been at your beck & call for years & helped happily….as you know….Please dont call me disrespectful…because that i am not.

Me – Ohhh – I’m not even getting into this – I’m flat out with this project… yes – I’ve said many times you have helped and I appreciate it – what else am I meant to do? I don’t know what I’m meant to say – but I found you mentioning that I was on FB implying I was ignoring you!

Jane – Heather  most people don’t ignore friends………However am getting the gist of it…Please do not be disturbed.. you have more important things in your life ??? …… & I was implying nothing Heather..

Me – Friends also understand when friends are really busy. Haven’t been deliberately ignoring and don’t even understand how I’ve been ignoring!!! Don’t even know why I’m in trouble… anyway I will leave it there!

Jane – If you look back at your message you were “Still on the computer…flat out going 7 days a week from morning till night.”..why so dramatic! …….I don’t know & not quite so Just say things how it really is…Much better that way…

Me – Well Jane, I’m sad you don’t believe me – because that is how it is. I’ve been working on this project for four months and am way behind deadline….. but you won’t believe that….

Jane – Heather you don’t do it from morning till night…who feeds the horses & horse time as you told me every afternoon at about 3…I remember things people tell me anyway you should know I don’t tell fibs or lies whatever you may call them…I just say it as it is.

Me – I do indeed – cant believe the interrogation!

 Me -Okay – if you want to know my schedule – 3 -5 horse time – the rest computer time – I told you that the rest of the time – morning to night – I’m at the computer – right where I am now!!! Oh – I do go to the toilet and have a shower…

Jane – Not an interrogation at all …get real please.  If I look back I have always come off second best with a difference  of opinion with you…You may think what you like but please don’t make up stupid remarks for my openness

Me – What do you want from me – I have no idea how my original comment from being busy – will come up for air in November – went to this.

Jane – I am not in the slightest interested in your daily timetable …really you are becoming ridiculous….we know you like to win arguments…ok you win this one if it makes you happy then…sleep well….Totally out of hand as to what began this …nothing to do with it.

Me – I don’t want to ‘win’ anything…. I’m trying to understand this irrational argument???

Jane – Go back & read what has been sent …easy…Heather we have been here before & I give up…….as most people obviously do . If you can’t understand or don’t want to understand then you wont.

Me – I give up too – I don’t understand…. maybe I’m stupid…. maybe I will get someone to read it to me and explain it!

This conversation started one evening and continued into the next day.  The contrast was huge between the memories Roger’s photos were bringing back and this current friendship.  I took a copy of the conversation to show Karen the psychologist.  Before I was fully aware, these arguments would just bamboozle me and I would apologise… but not this time.

In amongst the chaos of this looming deadline, I felt like I had been slapped across the face!




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