Goodbye Danny and Saadi

Today was the day I was dreading…. the day I said goodbye to my big boy and my little boy.

Saadi was a 22 year old Percheron cross – and Danny was a 20 year old quarter horse cross. We had 15 years together – and in that time they have taught me so much.

If you go back to this post https://horsemagic.blog/2018/02/02/part-16-danny-joins-the-herd/ you can read about Danny’s arrival. And this post https://horsemagic.blog/2018/02/12/part-20-falling-in-love/ is when Saadi arrived.

At the time I was looking for a riding horse, however both these boys didn’t turn out to be riding horses – that wasn’t their purpose in being here. Danny’s body and hoof condition couldn’t support a rider – and Saadi’s itch made having a saddle on him way too uncomfortable.

I should have recognised that the universe was telling me that that was not my path – there was so much more I had to learn about horses. It wasn’t until my major fall from Ducati in 2017 that I thought perhaps I should just give up on riding. Even then, I worked my way back to sitting on a friend’s horse – but the fear of falling was greater than the joy of riding.

It wasn’t until 2021/22 that I was finally able to let that dream go. As I started to write my first book, that longing to ride evaporated. I was finally at peace with it – and I was happy to accept that my four horses were the only horses I needed to own.

I knew that the horses would start leaving. As I work on fulfilling the promise I made to them – which will be the feature of my next book, they will know that their job is done. And this is the hard bit…

I never thought I would be saying goodbye to Danny and Saadi today, but that’s how things happen. Danny’s hoof condition (a result of laminitis before I owned him) had got to the point where it just wasn’t fair on him. Even though he was a happy little soul up to the end, he was dealing with so much pain.

Saadi was a different story. I had sensed something was up with Saadi earlier in the year, but I thought it was due to the broken teeth. Over the last few years his itch had also become unmanageable. Despite regular injections and various lotions and potions, he was now scratching all year round. I could see the exhaustion in his eyes…. and he told me something else. He said he had a cancer. He remained in poor conditon after the tooth extraction.

After talking to vet Oliver, and reading many reports on euthanasia, I changed my mindset on keeping a horse going until the very end. I had seen how easily a horse could have a dental issue and be in pain without anyone noticing – and I knew the two boys had worsening health. I thought the best thing to do for them was to have a gentle, painless death with no stress, only for me!

Of course I had talked to both horses over the past few weeks. It’s always hard with your own horses that you don’t just hear what you want to hear, but they were very accepting and peaceful about it. Saadi told me he would be a dove, and Danny told me he would be a star in the sky. I told him that he’s always been a star.

And just yesterday, when I was struggling with it, I sat down and wrote in my journal – I do a lot of channeling while writing – and this is what they said:

Do not be sad – we are not fearful – the time has come

H.  Thankyou – but I am sad – it’s an ending.

A well deserved ending – you rest now.

Saadi – you are talking – is little Danny there?

Danny – Yes – I will be the sparkle in your eye.

Saadi – And I will be your smile.

You have given us the language of love – you have loved us for the beings that we are – you worked out the connection.  There should be no guilt.  There is much to talk about with the other two.  Yes – we are all your magicians – but they are REALLY your magicians.

We will always be with you – and in the magic of your forest.  We are your friends.

H.  You will be in my heart forever.

And in ours.  It needed to be done.  The feeling of haste is needed.  There is much to do for you.  We are all part of the game of life.  In this game you have much to achieve.

You understand us.  But to achieve the promise we must leave now.  You can no longer tend to four of us in the way you like to.  And you would never ignore us.

So this is all perfect.  Do not cry too long for us because you know that we are still with you.

And so – it is done – they are safely buried with a view to the Magic Tree. I know it will be hard to see their empty stables, to see their brushes, their special coloured feed tubs – and to see Danny’s empty mat – where he stood so well for so many years. But I can still talk to them – yet I will yearn to feel their bodies, to smell their individual smells, to wipe their eyes, stroke their faces, and rub their tummies.

But it was time to go – life forever moves on – and I will never forget them.

Rest in peace my dear friends, and I will see you in my dreams…